Blog Series: SAHM vs SAHD – Lauren

Name: Lauren
Age: 24
Child’s Age: 1.5DSC_0611

  1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure? No, when we moved to a new city my employer gave me the opportunity to continue working from home so I had a job.
  2. What was something about being a stay at home mom that surprised you? How even though I had more time in my day because I did not commute to work, I still never have enough time in my day.
  3. What is the hardest part? It sometimes gets lonely not having work colleagues or people your age to talk to.
  4. What is your favourite part? Being there for all the big moments, you miss almost nothing.
  5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself? I am surprisingly playful, I can spend my time doing a whole lot of silly nothing.
  6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.} No, we moved cities because where we were living our childcare bill cost more than a month’s salary (around £1200) and we were running into financial trouble. Moving away from London and working from home brought our costs down and gives us a better quality of life.
  7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general? Yes.
  8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement? Taking care of a baby doesn’t come as naturally to men (in my opinion) and I see how Chris has struggled some days. I think they become much more stubborn with everything else in your relationship because they feel they have less control of themselves when caring for children. He spends more time caring for the house as well, so it becomes more stressful when he has less independence and when he has free time, it’s normally filled with plans that don’t include me. Which I understand, but it becomes harder to make couple time.
  1. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner? I don’t think resentment, but I envy how much time they get to spend together. There is also nowhere to vent our stress outside from home, so things can build up sometimes.
  2. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions? Yes, it’s our money. We may sometimes disagree on some of the smaller things, but we have full access to each other’s accounts and we normally share the same priorities.
  3. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner? I would like to say shared, but that would be untrue, I do maybe 25% of the household cleaning during the week. Every two weeks I normally do a huge clean top-to-bottom, but day-to-day it will normally be Chris.
  4. Do you think that only moms should be stay at home parents? No, I think you do the best with whatever your circumstances allow. It may not be as natural to dads, but they can still be great stay-at-home parents.
  5. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home? Unacceptable, you make the best decision for everyone’s happiness – and with a few sacrifices all round this is possible as long as it is not financially detrimental.
  6. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home? Be prepared, make sure to find local mothers and make an effort to go out and do things with your child. It is incredibly stressful and you do not want to end up feeling isolated so use the support you have available to you.

Blog Series: SAHM vs SAHD – Pauline

Name: PaulineIMG_20150208_182741
Age: 44
Child’s Age: 10

  1. Are you staying at home because of someone else’s pressure?
    No.
  2. What was something about being a stay at home mom that surprised you?
    Nothing really, I’ve been doing it from when my daughter was tiny.
  3. What is the hardest part?
    Balancing work and school (I homeschool) and household.
  4. What is your favourite part?
    Being able to be a part of my daughters life completely and witnessing every growth she undergoes. I am exploring all her passions with her and learning more about who she is and how best to work together. Love it!
  5. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself?
    Unless I set fixed times its hard to focus completely on all my obligations. I tend to swing back and forth between several weeks of intense focus on school, and then I slack off on my work and then the pendulum swings and I ease off on school and focus more on work! This is okay for the most part – I do have my week worked out so that I have blocks of time for ‘work’ and others for ‘school’ or ‘me time’.
  6. Do you ever regret this decision? {Please explain your answer.}
    No, no regrets. As we live rurally and I don’t have a drivers license, it makes total sense for me to have my work based at home. Driving up and down twice a day to drop and pick up from school is not a valid option either as my hubby would not get any work done so we also school from home which we love!
  7. Do you feel satisfied with this decision in general?
    Completely, I wouldn’t want it any other way!!
  8. How has your relationship with your partner changed, if at all, from this arrangement?
    It has brought us – as a family and with my partner – very close and in sync with each other.
  9. Do you sometimes feel resentment towards your working partner?
    Nope.
  10. Do you have an equal say in financial decisions?
    Yip!
  11. Do you take care of all the household commitments or are they shared with your partner?
    I do some, he does some. It depends on how hard the other has had to work on a particular day – the one who had more home time will pick up the slack in the household department!
  12. Do you think that only moms should be stay at home parents?
    No. Definitely dad’s should try to make their home a work base as well – I’ve seen it bring huge benefits to the family unit in general.
  13. What are your views on men that demand their partners to stay at home?
    Depends on how the partner feels about it – it’s not for everyone :)
  14. What advice can you give other moms considering staying at home?
    Try to manage your time well, create blocks of time that are for work, for your kids, for household and for you. This way you can (hopefully) switch off and focus.  Make lots of lists and ‘to dos’.  But flow with it, if you don’t get it all done today – there is always tomorrow.

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